Kim Hanson

Writing & Quilting

A Little Bit of Joy called Snowy

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Last year, I had occasion to interview a lovely lady, a talented art quilter who lives nearby. The interview was for American Quilter Magazine – my article entitled, Is Quilting Healing Medicine? Margaret Jones Jessop had lost her beautiful 31 year old daughter, Katy, in 2014.

At the time, I couldn’t relate to Margaret and her family’s searing, lingering pain. Now, unfortunately, I can. It’s one club that I wish I didn’t belong to – parents who have lost a child.

Margaret mentioned to me that she didn’t touch her sewing machine for six months after Katy’s death. She had no interest whatsoever in sewing or quilting or creating. I get it, completely – I haven’t  touched my sewing machine since Mike’s passing. It’s like all creative juices instantly dry-up. There is a deep feeling of “what’s the point”?

Three weeks ago, my husband casually mentioned to me, “Maybe we should get that dog now”. I know that it was his attempt to make me feel better and I love him for that. I had been searching online for a older, rescue dog…a hypo-allergenic senior that wouldn’t irritate my allergies and was already house trained. I had been monitoring several Alberta senior dog rescue websites like,  ARTS, Senior Animal Rescue, Misty Creek Dog Rescue, and of course, the City of Calgary. but finding a small, senior dog in a certain breed (shih tzu, bichon, maltese) is like trying to find a needle in a haystack.

Then I happened upon Heaven Can Wait, a rescue organization run by Kim Hessel from a rural setting outside of High River, Alberta. I was inquiring about Beau the Bichon but Kim regretfully let me know that Beau had already been adopted. But, as luck would have it, she had a ten-year old, ten pound Maltese rescue that would be available for adoption. “Snowy” as her previous owner named her, was used to peace and quiet and needed to be placed in a home without children living there and be the only dog in the home. That was us! Placing a senior dog with seniors? Hmm…it sounded like a good idea to me.

So, Rick and I took a road trip and headed out to High River to meet the dog.

She was adorable! It was love at first sight for me. It took Rick a smidge longer.

After some extensive doggie dental work, Kim gave us the green light and we took Snowy into our home for a ten-day trial period, which passed in the blink of an eye. Snowy is absolutely lovely and now she’s our little dog. We take her on daily walks, car rides and she sleeps on our bed at night. She’s eased the pain, just a little bit, of losing our beloved Mike. It’s like she fills a portion of that gaping void in your heart. She’s like a tonic that soothes. She’s an affectionate little girl that brightens our day. She’s wonderful company.

The other day, just out of the blue, I decided to work on some quilt designs in response to a “call for queries” from Annie’s Publishing. Like I used to do, before Mike passed, I started to pull out fabrics from my cupboard. I sat down at my desk and drew and erased and drew some more. It was so cathartic! I couldn’t believe how being creative was part of who I am. I came up with three queries for the editors and we’ll see if they like them or not.

But, the funny thing is, it doesn’t really matter if they choose my designs or not. What matters is that I actually “felt” like doing my work again. I actually “felt” like choosing fabric palettes. I actually “felt” like myself again. It was temporarily, exhilirating.

I know this new development is not just because of a dog. Rick and I both have a very long way to go. But I also know that Snowy has helped us tremendously. I hope we can make a good home for her and give her some happy years. Just like she will give us.

 

Kim

Mike

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How DO you mend a broken heart? A crushed soul? A devastated mind? I’m not sure and I sincerely wish I didn’t have to find out.

Our beautiful son, Mike, passed away from this world into God’s loving arms on March 15th…leaving us all in shock, disbelief and tremendous sorrow. My husband and I knew, due to Mike’s health circumstances, that he would not outlive us – but we never saw his death as imminent.

Mike was diagnosed with schizophrenia in late adolescence. Back in those days, (1996 ish) we knew our boy’s behaviour was, at times, “out there”, but we really didn’t know what we were dealing with. Countless physicians and psychiatrists and psychologists appointments later (and I really mean countless), Mike was finally diagnosed with the severe mental illness of schizophrenia. Initially, there was overwhelming relief at finally knowing what was plaguing our troubled teenaged boy.

We had no idea what was to come – what Mike would have to endure in his short life. Blister paks of daily medications, painful monthly injections and endless doctor’s appointments, which he gracefully learned to accept. We never failed to tell him how much we loved him and appreciated the fact that he took such good care of himself. But, as one might expect, the glut of meds took their toll over the past 21 years. His body was unfairly ravaged. Mental illness is the quintessential unseen thief

We were blessed to have our son for 38 years. We are missing him so profoundly that it’s difficult to really take it all in. A month and a half after his passing, I’m still in disbelief that he is gone…that he will never again set foot in our home, that he will never again sit in his chair for Sunday dinner, that he will never again phone me to talk after a Blue Jays baseball game. I will never again see his smiling face and waving hand when meeting him at his favourite restaurant (Swiss Chalet) for lunch, or at the theatre for a movie or at Co-Op to pick-up some groceries. That, is the true heartbreak.

I am a spiritual person and always have been. We know that our sweet and gentle Mike is resting in peace, that his pain has been retired and his struggle has mercifully ended. We also know that our souls will mesh again with his when we leave this life. What we don’t know is how to truly live life now that he’s gone.

Kim

 

Third Act

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Months ago, I came across an editorial piece in a women’s business magazine. The writer, a middle-aged female, was lamenting her reality; that she had spent so much time on building her business that she had missed out on precious time with family. Her business was very successful and over the years, she had expanded its reach.  She was rightfully proud of what she has created, yet so regretful of the day-to-day family activities she had not witnessed.

As I read her words, I realized it was exactly the opposite for me. I’ve always had such grand business ideas that have not been fulfilled. The lion’s share of my time has been devoted to family. My husband’s job has always taken precedence – I worked a part-time job away from home, took care of our three children and ran our hectic household.

Our three children grew into lovely, caring, responsible adults. When I was 46 years old, and still kinda filled with a youthful exuberance, our lives were blessed with the birth of our first grandchild. I was able to take care of our boy during weekdays for four years, while his parents were at work. I learned very quickly that I didn’t  really have youthful exuberance, he did! Jacob wore me out, but those four years were truly some of the best of my life. We went everywhere together…he has such an adventurous soul. We visited the Y, the library, the zoo – and met some of the best people ever, especially at the local Y. He’s now almost 16 years old and I pray that our time together in his youth established an unbreakable bond for life.

I’m turning 62 pretty soon and now my Dad’s health is in decline. His driver’s license was taken away by his family doctor sometime ago, so I’ve become his eyes and ears on the road. Prostate cancer, alarmingly high blood pressure, kidney issues and deteriorating vision keep us both very busy with countless doctor’s visits and scans, scans and more scans. He needed an emergency CT scan and for expediency, his doctor sent us to High River, a town 45 miles away from home. The appointment was at dawn. Neither of us will ever forget the spectacular sunrise that day, the laughs we had or the great health care professionals at the tiny High River hospital. Sometimes, when we’re at the Mall for his haircuts or having a blood draw at the clinic, we take a few minutes and walk and talk and he grabs a coffee. We sit in the food court and he tells me things I never knew. Stories I’ve never heard.

I’m beyond mid-life and approaching my third Act. In retrospect, I may have regrets in my life, but I will never regret all the time I’ve been able to spend with my family. Thanks to my husband, who has always supported me no matter what, I’ve done what I’ve really wanted to do. I’ve wanted to be there to watch our kids grow. I’ve wanted to be there to spend time with our grandchildren. I’ve wanted to be there when my parents need me in their last days. I’ve been blessed to be able to do all of that. Thank you God.

 

Kim

 

 

 

Where’s Spring?

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Here we are, sitting near the end of February. Cold and snow is all around us. I crave warmth and sunlight and quiet, especially the sunlight. I feel it in my bones, a weariness that just won’t go away, no matter how much sleep I get.

The crystal clear day helps…sun reflecting off the mounds of snow piled everywhere. It helps to see the blue sky and sense the endless possibilities of what Spring may bring.

 

 

 

Balzac Billy, the groundhog Prairie Prognosticator did not see his shadow this past February 2nd. That’s supposed to mean an early Spring, but there are no signs of it so far. I’m not sure Balzac Billy can be trusted.

So…what to do in the meantime, while we wait for warm breezy days and Robins to return and sprouts of crocus in the flower beds?

Definitely getting outside helps; bundle up as much as possible and walk (or run) as far as possible.

Act like a kid again and play in the snow.

Keep doing those things you love to do – go to yoga class, or to the gym. Sit still and embrace the quiet in meditation. But don’t forget to be creative. Don’t forget to quilt! Be creative with fabrics, love the new ones on the scene and make up your own patterns. These things will keep your mind busy, your body active and spirit intact until it’s time for a change…a time to be living more outdoors. After all, mind, body and spirit are all connected in a way that makes three components equal one.

These are some incredible fabrics I received yesterday. The collection is called Summer Garden from Benartex. I can hardly wait to get started working with them.

Be good!

Kim